Showing posts with label 6-rated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 6-rated. Show all posts

Friday, 6 March 2015

Such a Pretty Fat by Jennifer Lancaster

I realize that I am fully responsible in selecting my reading materials. The time that I spent reading this book can actually be used for reading my Biosafety material. Quiz は来週の月曜日-and so far the polling is for close book quiz (13 vs 12 - slim, slim difference). But well. I have read all of them last week, I will just re-read them tomorrow and day after tomorrow.

Her first to books are more interesting because the problems she detailed in them are real world problems that I can actually sympathize and empathize with. In her third? Not so much because it is about her struggle to reduce her weight using various dieting methods and of course, hard exercise.

It is a damned first world problem that I, a girl from third world country*, who is struggling to get her bachelor** finds reaaalllly hard to sympathize.

Then, lady, perhaps you should consider walking a block instead of driving a block.
Perhaps you should eat smaller servings.
Perhaps you can take the stairs instead of the lifts.

She complains about unable to eat steak because it will hamper her weight reduction.
I cannot eat decent steak because it will suck up the fund I can use for, you know, graduating my ass off.
 
She complains about the discomfort of gym in the beginning, although she enjoys it later. Lady, at least you can still pay for gym membership and there is a possibility to enjoy a decent gym close to your quarters. She whines constantly about Atkins (ketosis phase sounds truly nasty) and expresses some dissatisfaction about Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers, and all I can think is...

Yes Jesse, my sentiment exactly.

What. A. Thankless. Bitch.

And she tells in a witty way how she, after being treated like a queen during her book tour, had to go back to reality. The thing that pulled her down to earth is cleaning dog poo and dog-piss-drenched carpeting.
I'll kiss the damned dirt if the worst thing that I should face in reality is cleaning the freaking canine excretion!

By reading her work, I contribute to her increasing fame (and bank account). I have moral dilemma here... but still, she is very entertaining. AUUUUGGGGHHHHH. And I just read her status in Facebook about how she bought a damned coffee machine because she is too lazy to climb the stairs to use one that is available!

AAA
AAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Six stars for this book because it's still witty but but but almost unendurable. 
Conclusion:
Life is unfair. Time to take some pictures, Photoshopped them decently, and advertise myself as a mail-order bride.

Or...

Signing up to migrant worker office...

Current speed: 9 male shirts/ 45 minutes, some folded in different sizes.


Or... 

Time to go all Walter White...

Or.

Time to read the Biosafety material. Or some Fitzgerald.

* face it, Indonesia - claim as much as you want that you are happy and not dirt poor, but nah, you bloody are.
** I will bring up this issue as much as I like. If I don't get it, then I shall consider the possibilities of becoming a mail-order bride (I have listed the possible countries in my head) and migrant worker. I still need to work on my ironing skill, but otherwise I am good in vacuuming, wiping, washing dish. I AM THIS DESPERATE. 

Thursday, 24 January 2013

The Habitation of the Blessed

Title:  The Habitation of the Blessed
Series/ standalone?: first book in A Dirge for Preter John series
Author: Catherynne M. Valente

WARNING: This review is heavily-ridden with spoilers. Beware!



I just finished reading A Dirge for Prester John: The Habitation of the Blessed. This is the first book in the (plotted) trilogy of A Dirge for Prester John.
Who is Prester John? His detailed enough description can be read in the Wikipedia entry about him.

My expectation before reading this book had been high, because the authoress is none other than Catherynne M. Valente herself. I’ve been enchanted by her adaptation of Russian folk tales, Deathless. So I expected to be captivated by The Habitation of the Blessed. Moreover, I am intrigued by the blurb which said, among other things ...’Hagia, the blemmye wife of Prester John...’ and ‘... the mythical land of Pentexore with its strange creatures...” I Googled blemmye immediately, found its description, and thought that maybe Valente doesn’t stick with that description. How wrong am I. 

But. My reading experience has been terrible. Oh, oh my. I feel very disturbed and repulsed and disgusted upon reading this book, from shortly after the beginning until its very end. By the part that makes me feel very queasy, I read it with skimming method. Well, I guess this book is not for everyone. 

Catherynne M. Valente as usual tells the story with beautiful prose that constructed by carefully chosen beautiful words. The narrative style is books within a book; storyteller that tells stories that have been read and hurriedly transcribed by another storyteller and has been told and written by at least three different storytellers.  

When did I start to feel queasy? At the beginning, when John was tried in his sailing on a vast sea of sand and forced to eat fish. Raw. With its internal organs - while their shape and constructing substance are different from those of the fish in our world - removed hurriedly and shabbily. Well, that can be expected from a man that had been threatened with death from famine and reduced to eat his robe. But still. Yuck.

When did I start to feel very queasy? When John had an intercourse.
With a crane. Crane, as in one specific specie of the Aves class, Grus antigone antigone. This makes me nauseous and disturbed. Why? Well, John was a priest who had taken a vow of celibacy. His breaking of the vow disgusted me. That feeling was exacerbated by the fact that he had broken it with a bird. With a frigging freaking bird. Please! The scene when the pygmies rutted with the cranes also disgusts me. 

Also I am repulsed by the fact that he, Prester John, married a blemmye, Hagia. And impregnated her. Eugh. Interspecies sex, as in between human and vampire or werewolf whatsoever doesn’t disturb me as long those who involved assumes same shapes. A man/ woman have sex with some entity that assumes the appearance of a beast - or a decapitated human, in blemmye case - doesn’t stand well with me. That’s why I felt disturbed when reading the stories in Greek mythology when Zeus seduced Leda in form of swan, or wooed Io in form of a beautiful white bull, and when Pasiphae attracted to a bull, their liaisons resulted in birth of monstrous half-man, half-bull of the Crete labyrinth, Minotaur. Maybe the interspecies sex in this book is an allegory to interracial marriage - which I don't mind nor oppose - but it just failed to depict that.

I am also unable to symphatise with the protagonist, Prester John. Well, maybe his character is typical of the missionaries in that age. He was thankless to those who had helped him, he was a man with holier-than-thou attitude, yet he was easily trapped in sin of adultery. I found it easier to symphatise with Hagia. 

The thing that horrifies me is although John saw his act of bringing Christianity as a good one - similar to one bringing a brightly burning candle to a dark land - it is actually a destructive action. It is more similar to the act of the Serpent tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit of knowledge and give it to Adam. Pentexore and its creatures had established a working system long before John, and Didymus Thomas (yes, he was there too, and also Alexander the Great), came. Each of them worshipped different gods and had different beliefs, yet it didn’t cause any friction amongst them. They didn’t have concept of sin, they lived harmoniously. With Christianity that John brought and tried to spread, they now knew the concept of sin. In Pentexore before Christianity, there was only a lamia with her natural instincts and urges. After Christianity, there was a whore lamia. That’s what Christianity did to Pentexore. It erased its carefree life, its innocence. 

And the thing that just makes me hate him even more? His cheating in Abir. The reason, said by the cheater himself, was to be the perfect entity, a king-priest, just like Christ. But, if that is the real intention, why did he pray so his queen will be Hagia? Heh. I believe that his motivation for cheating is not purely the king-priest perfection, but just a lesser, worldlier one – he wanted to rule, with a female he desired so, the blemmye Hagia.

One more thing that disappoints me is the way Valente describes Pentexore. She gave a map to give us a picture of Pentexore location, and that’s good and appreciated. But, I also want the map of the internal parts of Pentexore. I want the map that show where the Sea of Sand starts in the world we've known and ends in Pentexore, I want to see where we can reach it and its border with our world. Her description of the creatures is too general. She even doesn’t explain some creatures appearances, such as meta-collinara. I know that in the ‘original’ letter of Prester John those creatures’ names are mentioned, but when you read this book, you tend to forget what cametenna, tensevetes, etc. look like because there are so many strange creatures with names no less exotic than themselves. She also made some allusions and cameos (Alexander the Great with his gate and Apostle Thomas a.k.a. Didymus Thomas), but they are not deeply explored and felt like decoration only.

I can’t give it a high rate. Ten is the perfect score, and I will deduce some for each aspect that I loathe. Eating raw fish with its internal organs glistening? Eeuw. Minus one. A protagonist with attitude so bad I barely can stand him? Deduce one. A type of sex that repulsed me? Minus one again. The insufficient description of the creatures and Pentexore landscape (they should be more detailed, I think), minus one. So the end score is six.

I recommend this book for Valente’s hardcore fans. The Goodreads reviewers rated it 5 stars, and most of them are fans of Valente’s. One reviewer compared this book with In the Night Garden by the same authoress, so if you’re the fan of In the Night Garden, maybe this book will suit you. 

And finally, the picture.
A blemmye

Sources:

  • amazon.fr
  • en.wikipedia.org